Warning: System Malfunction!
by LovelyPriestess
Summary: When the Daughters’ powers increase in power, so does their lack of control. Serena accidentally has a Regulator love her, Catty is trapped 1000 years back, Jimena now ONLY thinks of herself as Pandia, etc...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Daughters of the Moon. **  
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****WARNING: System Malfunction!**

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**Part I: Not Another Unintentional Forbidden Love Scenario**

This was not a normal day.

"It look likes those lessons have been paying off," Serena murmured, as she sauntered cautiously down the blistering hot streets of LA. Her mind was unintentionally sending out explosive commands and signals that not even a member of the Inner Circle would be able to match. Beside the telepath, Jimena strolled wearily, her eyes wide as she drank in the strange scenario of a "new world" around her.

Did I mention she was wearing a tunic and some odd sandals stolen from a college dorm room?

"Jimena—"

"I've told you, young child," she interjected softly, gazing at Serena with an outrageously uncalled for amount of softness, care, compassion, wisdom and every other emotion displayed by the all-knowing, Yoda-like woman, "My name is Pandia, Goddess and daughter of Zeus and Selene. I am here to help defeat the Atrox. Now, where is Penelope's daughter—?"

"Yeah, yeah." Serena waved her hand dismissively. "You've told me this is a thousand times."

Jimena eyed her strangely, before sighing. "No need to exasperate, child—"

"I'm not a child!" The telepath stamped her foot angrily, before recollecting her calmness and continuing toward the Darma Bookstore, owned by Catty's mother, Kendra. If anyone who could help her figure out the situation, it would be Kendra. Maggie was… dead, so no help there; and Stanton never really answered any of her questions—usually acting morbidly mysterious or opting to have a make-out session, usually distracting Serena completely.

"What is that shiny metal object?" Jimena questioned, stunned. "It's so fast!"

"It's a car," Serena answered, before grabbing the ancient reincarnated Goddess's hand and towing her into the bookstore. Just like on the street, all eyes remained on Jimena's attire, which—much to Serena's humiliation—was see-through, and just odd! Jimena, happy to find literature, began skimming through various books; her fingers hastily flipping over pages. Her eyes gradually widened.

"Kendra!" Serena jogged up the older woman.

Kendra smiled kindly, pushed up her reading glasses, and walked over to the Daughter. "What is it, Sere—_what is Jimena wearing?_" Both turned around to stare at the tunic wrapped around Jimena's body. "Is that… is that a _blanket around her body?_" Kendra blinked several times, as though trying to understand if this was reality or a dream, before grinning. "I never pegged Jimena for a practical joker."

"She's not," Serena began, now panicked, "Our powers have all increased I think. I mean, I keep accidentally manipulating people and hearing thoughts, and Jimena… well, I think because she wasn't a Daughter anymore, that her memories just… overtook her body. She thinks she's ONLY Pandia. She doesn't even know who Jimena is!"

Kendra frowned. "This is bad. This is very bad."

"Yeah!"

"No, _that's _bad." Kendra pointed behind Serena's shoulder. "Isn't that a Follower?" Her eyes turned angry and terrified at the same time. "Hey, it's all mossy and it's oozing all over the new carpet!"

"Wha—?"

Serena swiveled around, and horror washed over her features as she took a shaky step backwards. A Regulator, not at all covered up, moved their way, his beady eyes narrowed and his lips—if those were lips on his face—were turned into a scowl. Its skin was moss and green and protruding. "An ogre!" someone screamed, igniting more shrieks and yells. In a second, the store was evacuated.

"There goes business," Kendra murmured.

Jimena, who had thrown a book to the side, stepped in front of the beast, confident. "Stay back you beast! You vile follower of the Atrox! You feral animal without a soul! You—"

"I'm evil, I get it," the Regulator intervened, his voice raspy and croaking.

"That you are!" Standing stiffly, Jimena reached her hands upward and shouted, "Mother, Goddess of the Moon, I call upon you to." She paused, seemingly confused. "To… to… oh, right! To bind your power with mine so that together, we can defeat this monster and send him back to the underworld! Mother, give me your power, I beg of you!"

Silence reigned supreme.

"…"

Jimena still had her hands raised.

"Jimena—"

"Pandia," she corrected with a low growl.

Serena sighed. "_Pandia_… Don't you think that was a little over the top? Nothing's happening."

"Enough of this," the Regulator sneered, before continuing toward the Daughter; striding past Jimena, whose arms were still up and now shaking. Serena squealed and jumped behind Kendra, who was quivering with fury as her eyes remained trained on the oozing mess trailing behind the beast. "Windex won't take that out!" She cried.

"Stanton made me do it!" Serena yelled.

The Regulator now stood before her. "No, young Daughter of the Moon, that's not why I'm here" Serena cringed as he placed his hand delicately on hers, and the putrid stench and his disgusting, slimy touch surfaced over her skin. "I-I don't know what happened. One second I was hiding in the shadows and the next thing I know, I hear your melodic voice in my mind and all of a sudden…" He sighed… dreamily. "Will you marry me?"

Kendra was rigid and horrified, along with Serena, and Jimena was still in the same position.

"Uh-oh…"

"Good luck with that!" Kendra zoomed into the backroom.

**………………x………………**

**Part II: Say It Don't Spray it**

Catty moaned as a stinging pain stabbed at her knee. Propping herself up, she shakily bounced to her feet and wiped at the skid-marks on her knees and elbows. The smell of smoke and meat swept through her body, propelling her nostrils to flare at the unfamiliarity. But it was so… clean… and fresh. This was nothing like LA… Her eyes traveled along pillars. Sniffing, she moved around them, and…

"WHAT… THE… HELL…?"

Blinking, she was startled to find herself standing amongst a crowd of tunic-wearing freaks. "How did I end up on the set of 300?" she questioned wearily. In fact, she had been attempting to travel back in time to some party when she had felt strangely powerful. Maybe she accidentally went back in time to the filming of the movie…?

"WHO ARE YOU?"

She swiveled around as a loud voice rang in her ear. Her heart stopped. A large, burly man with a load of hair towered over her, wearing some form of fabric diaper meant for adults. Around him, other men stood, each pointing a spear at her. She gulped.

"WHO ARE YOU AND WEAR DO YOU COME FROM?!"

A flurry of spit hit her face. "I-I-I… I-I… I come from California!"

"I'VE NEVER HEARD OF IT!"

Catty shrunk back in fear. "I… Who… Where… Where am… I?"

"THIS!" The man gestured to the Athenian-like area and the crowd. "THIS IS SPARTA!"

Spit… It hit her face like a hurricane.

"Say it don't spray it, fool." She wiped at the saliva.

"YOU DARE MOCK ME?!"

"I'll mock anyone who spits in my face!"

"YOUNG WOMAN, I AM KING—"

"Blah, blah, blah." She rolled her eyes.

He was fuming now. The spears pressed even closer. "I'LL ASK YOU AGAIN… WHY ARE YOU HERE? IS THIS SOME SORT OF THREAT?" He glared murderously down at her. She could only gaze at his tone abs and strange man sweat. A woman, seeing her gaze on him, cleared her throat and glared daggers at Catty before saying, "My king, I think we should—"

"Don't kick me into the odd, pointlessly placed hole!" Catty begged, reaching out. Apparently, this was taken as a threat, because each man unsheathed their swords and charged. Terrified, Catty closed her eyes and sure enough, she was back in the tunnel, spinning at fast speeds. Falling down, she lands on dirt with a thud. Her breathing was heavy and the man's spit remained on her face.

"Where—?"

"RELEASE THE LIONS!"

Catty looked up just in time to realize that she was in an arena… And that a herd of lions was running her way.

"…Oh, shit…"

**………………x………………**

TO BE CONTINUED…


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Daughters of the Moon.

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**WARNING: System Malfunction!**

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**Part III: Can You Feel The Love Tonight? **

Serena sprinted down the street, sweat dotted across her flesh. Jimena fled beside her, sandals flapping on the ground. The largest and cheesiest of grins was planted on her affectionate and wise face. "You didn't tell me you were getting married!" she cried happily, clapping her hands together. Serena resisted the urge to vomit while running. The shadow trailed closely behind, in hot pursuit.

"I'm not."

The 1,000 years old Goddess grimaced pitifully. "Relationship problems, yes?"

"We're not in a relationship."

"An arranged marriage?" Jimena's eyes brightened. "You are a princess, am I right?"

"… No."

"_Ohhhhhhh_, I know…" She cocked her head, all-knowing. "You are a slave sent in from across the vast oceans to this strange land as a woman meant only for your newly-formed lover's _manly_ needs? Because I've seen _many_of those cases." She wiped her forehead, as if finishing some hard labor. "Good thing I escaped that torture—and all because of my duties."

"He wants to marry me, but I don't like him at all!" Serena shouted. She glanced over her shoulder. "And now he's chasing me."

"Serena?"

She promptly rammed into someone, and collided with the painful concrete. Her body ached as her eyes fluttered open, a short moan of pain tearing from her throat. Throbbing beat in her back. Limping to her feet, she found herself staring into the beautiful, crystal-blue orbs with depths as deep as the Pacific Ocean and love belonging only to her and… Yes, this was Stanton, his eyes concerned; clad only in black (because we _all _know ever other color in the damn crayon box isn't cool enough for this suave man). His **shaggy**—yes, because no other adjective is worthy of his rocking blonde hair—bangs hung limply over his eyes, a shadow covering some of his face as to form the anguish-filled person that Stanton is.

"Help me!" She leapt behind him, cowering. "I'm being stalked!"

"It's just a fan boy." He flicked his hand, not all concerned by the danger barreling their way or the fact that Jimena sported some white blanket tied around her body. "I have them all the time—" He paused, realizing the meaning of his cocky statement. "I have fan _girls_, I mean! I swear!"

"It's a Regulator!" She bit her lower lip.

"A Regulator?" Stanton arched an eyebrow, said eyebrow vanishing under a layer of thick bangs. "That can't be—" He was then shoved out of the way, Serena squealing in surprise and terror, and Jimena muttering something akin to, "_Somebody_ needs some Jerry Springer time."

"Hello, my new love." The grotesque Regulator spread his fingers through her curls, causing Serena to cringe and grit her teeth in disgust. _Something_ oozed down her neck, probably slime. Shivering, she clasped his hand and pushed it to his chest. Recoiling, she shook her head at him, ready to protest to his false love, but found him leaning forward. Her scream was gone as his chapped, squishy lips pressed greedily against her. Her eyes widened as she fainted, falling limply to the ground… body twitching.

"I know," the Regulator exclaimed conceitedly, "I'm that good a kisser. I practice with my teddy bear—"

"HEY!"

He whipped around, watching as a viciously infuriated Stanton, Prince of the Night—whatever _that _means—, stormed up to him, fingers curled into tight fists at his sides. Serena, propped up by her elbows, smiled weakly; waiting for her love to protect her and stand up for her and call her _his_—

"Nobody…"

Stanton cracked his neck,

"…In their right mind…"

His energy built,

"… Does something as foolish…"

Shadow lashed about, mimicking his fury.

"As to PUSH _ME_! Of all people!"

Serena frowned and sighed, her disappointment falling to the ground. Jimena stared at the spectacle, as if calculating an idea to bring upon peace and sunshine to the odd quarrel.

"Stanton—"

"Not now Sabrina."

"My name is Serena!"

"I know, Selena." He shook his head, glare trained on the Regulator, who was too busy ogling the poor, curly-headed Daughter. "I don't know who you think you are, man, but you have no right to push me to the ground! I'm the_ definition_ of _Badass Motherfucker_! You, on the other hand, could serve as a double for the slimmer in some Ghostbusters movie!" He punched the Regulator, who reeled back, stunned by the pain-filled blow to his face.

"You hit him," Serena shouted, overjoyed, "you didn't just pussy-out and use your powers! You're becoming a man, Stanton!"

He formed his fingers into letters—P O T N—, spat on the beaten Regulator, and leaned back, crossing his arms… gangster style. "You got _served_, biatch." Chin raised, he strode away, cape sweeping on the ground—it's perfectly normal to wear a cape. Jimena helped Serena up, whose emerald eyes were glazed over with awe and adoration at her lover's retreating back.

"Isn't he magnificent—?"

"He seems to not even know your name."

"—and beautiful. Oh, I love those blonde bangs. It's like he was trying to copy a broom."

"…"

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**Part IV: Et tu, Brute?**

Catty stormed around the pillars, huffing and puffing. Again, she was placed in the wrong time. The sky was dim and the air windy. She appeared to be in some Roman-like time. Her eyes narrowed as she watched a man, wielding a knife, walk down long steps, talking animatedly with another man; both clad in white togas. Two other men stood in front of them.

She frowned, and jabbed a thinning man beside her in the elbow.

"Who's the guy with the flowers on his head."

"Julius Caesar, my lady, our lord—"

"Uh… Not for long."

Her eyebrows pinched together as the man carrying the knife shrieked, his foot landing on a banana peel. He fell forward, hands flaying. The thin man next to her gasped, eyes wide. She, too, found her mouth fall open as the falling man's hand landed on Caesar's back; the knife cutting through the skin. The other man smacked his head, said something like, "_Might as well start the plan early_."

As if from thin air, hundreds of men crowded on Caesar, each shouting battle cries and stabbing viciously.

She blanched.

"So that's why he had the guts to stab first… he tripped on a banana peel!"

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**AN: **The hundreds of men stabbing Caesar is based off a myth (I think), and the banana peel… imagine if that's how he died. Some guy falls down the steps, happening to hold a knife, and… well, you know. Sorry, no Vanessa or Tianna. 


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